


... the more it backfires

by hymns



Category: Toward the Terra
Genre: M/M, That's it, it's just character analysis and Soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 02:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17737214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hymns/pseuds/hymns
Summary: keith and matsuka's routine is disrupted.





	... the more it backfires

Zeus was the biggest ship Matsuka had ever been on. It was even bigger than the Endymion, which was also the name of a crater on Terra's moon, if Matsuka remembered his Terran courses correctly. He had always enjoyed remembering the lesser known facts, ones that were brushed over and deemed inconsequential. Like him.

But that mattered little. What mattered was finding Keith's quarters on the massive ship. He knew little beyond that it was in the command block, section C. A secluded section of the ship. On the way, he passed a large window exposing the vast, vacant space expanding around them. Some of the stars twinkled blue, green, yellow; likely distant planets. The coffee cup and silver tray he held gave a small clatter as he shook. The depth of space frightened him from childhood, despite its saturation in his life. Living in a remote sector before being whisked away by the mysterious Keith Anyan to any and all corners of the universe, rarely stopping on planets—other than the brief stops to Noah.

He felt distinctly out of place on Noah. Surrounded by Members Elite and Senators and the upper crust of society, all staring at him in confusion. What business could he possible have on the capital planet? He wore the Members Elite uniform like a separate skin. He, and everyone around him, knew he wasn’t a true Member. He was only a pilot with little training, put to use by the most powerful man in the Terran government.  _ Why doesn't the commander get rid of you? _ Serge had asked him.

_ He's not the kind of person you think he is. _

That is what he truly believed. Deep down, past the dark weather in his heart, was a good person. He was sheltering Matsuka from certain death. Perhaps he even took a liking to Matsuka.

These thoughts were mostly constant, as if to remind himself they were true. But there were pauses. When he was struck across the face. When he watched the Megiddo take aim for Silvester 7. When Keith smiled as its power input increased. Then, those thoughts went silent, leaving an empty void, like what he was staring into from the window.

Having let his mind wander for far too long, he resumed his search for Keith’s room. Luckily, certain rooms had name plaques placed to the side of the electric doors. He spent a while searching until, at the very end of the hall on the right side, he found one with  _ ANYAN _ written on it.

The doors on Zeus were all motion activated, unless locked. Standing in front of Keith’s door with no movement, it seemed that his room was locked. He gave a knock and announced his presence.

“Commander? It’s Matsuka.”

After a moment, the doors slid open with a small buzz. Keith was seated at his desk, rolling one of his piercings between his index finger and thumb as he went over files. A habit, if the only one he ever exhibited, that he showed when he was alone—at least, alone with Matsuka.

“I brought coffee. Why don’t you take a break?”

The door closed behind him and locked with a quiet snap. Matsuka glanced at the files Keith had displayed above his desk, doing his best to read backwards as he set the coffee down. It seemed to be a list of people in the Space Navy who had been deemed Mu, and the dates of their exterminations. Through the transparent file, he saw Keith’s eyes settle on his. He retreated, holding the silver tray close to his chest.

“Does it scare you?” he asked, picking up the mug. “Death.”

Matsuka had witnessed so much death since becoming Keith's attendant, if that was what he wished to call himself (he didn’t know  _ what _ he was). The first death he saw up close was of the man who attempted to shoot Keith as they landed on Noah. Serge shot with no hesitation at all, and it stunned Matsuka, even as he held the man’s hot bullets in his palm. If the time came, he was unsure if he would be able to kill. But if it was for Keith…

He didn’t like to think about what he would do for Keith.

“I think it scares everyone to some degree.”

“You’re dodging, but I’ll take it as a ‘yes.’”

Matsuka looked away.

“You should be thankful I’m postponing your inevitable death by keeping you by my side.”

“You say that as if I’ve acted less than thankful.”

“You have said you could poison my coffee.” He took a sip of the probably-not-poisoned coffee.

He had only said that out of anger. Just as he when he strangled him. His feelings for Keith were so complicated, not even he could decode them. Was Keith right about his unstable emotions? Was he so unstable that he would choke the man who he felt so strongly for? What he felt strongly, he wasn’t sure. It couldn’t possibly be love, not for the man who destroyed a planet simply because Matsuka’s kind inhabited it.

“It’s cold.”

Matsuka snapped out of his thoughts, and when he looked up again, the files had been taken down.

“I’m sorry?”

“The coffee. It’s cold.”

“Oh… I’m sorry. Do you want me to make you another?”

“No need. It’s already late.”

It was strange. On any other occasion, he would demand another cup. What was different today?

They remained in each other’s spaces in silence, a part of their natural routine, but something felt off to Matsuka. Keith was eyeing him, but not in a cautious way. More of a curious one. Matsuka knew better than to interrupt his focus.

“I need your assistance with something else.”

Matsuka’s eyebrows inched closed together in confusion. “What would that be…?”

“Come,” he said, beckoning Matsuka beyond the desk.

Matsuka no longer hesitated when he was called. At first, he was afraid of being struck, or worse. He learned slowly that Keith had his own limits, and he wouldn’t risk harming him to the point of debilitation. He might need his powers, and for that, he had to be ready and healthy. 

He stood by Keith’s side, watching as he turned his chair to face him. After a moment, he stood. Matsuka always felt as if he towered over him, despite the relatively small difference in their heights. It was his presence that was so much larger than his own.

Keith took Matsuka’s chin between his fingers, tilting it upwards.

“Is this some kind of Mu curse?” he asked, his voice a dangerous whisper.

“What do you mean?”

With an exhale, Keith tilted his head down a fraction.

“Why do I want to be close to you?”

Matsuka’s eyes widened. Never had Keith admitted to any type of weakness, especially not related to him. He stammered at first, trying to think of a response that wouldn’t anger Keith. Unfortunately, nothing came to him, leaving him staring into Keith’s eyes helplessly.

“I… don’t know.”

How was he to know when he suffered the same affliction?

“I see.”

Matsuka was not given the cues to close his eyes before Keith pressed their lips together. He felt his mind swimming, utterly incapable of processing such a gesture. He wasn’t ready to register the feeling of Keith’s lips, especially not the feeling of them on his own. He had entertained thoughts of what they may feel like, if he were honest, but had accepted that nothing would ever happen. Jerking back, the tray in his hands hit the ground with a loud clang. Keith looked equally as shocked.

“Keith…?”

He reeled in his reaction as quickly as he had expressed it. Clearing his throat, he returned to his seat and turned his back to Matsuka. Matsuka, however, had unconsciously brought the tips of his fingers to his lips.

“I changed my mind. Bring me another coffee.”

Reeling, the request almost missed Matsuka. He retrieved the tray from the floor as he waited for the ability to speak to return to him.

“Y… Yes. I’ll be right back.”

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE talk to me about terra on twitter @echuilles i love terra and friendship


End file.
